Being in a relationship can be hard work, real hard work. You know how they say experience is the best teacher? Well experience definitely has taught me so many things! The mistakes I made out of ignorance, being married at the early age of 22, ultimately leading to divorce shouldn’t be what you should make now that you know me!
I am blessed to be remarried to my soulmate now but that doesn’t exclude times of misunderstandings and mistakes that seem unresolvable. So let me start using my experience to help other people learn the easier way (from other people’s experiences, lol). I will be answering a question that were sent in anonymously today.
QUESTION 1 :
I can’t sleep , i am so depressed right now . I am writing this with tears in my eyes
I have been married for 13 years , and my husband and I have 4 children together. Everything was going well in my family until my niece came to live with us. She is 19 years old
She became close to my husband, but I never thought they were having an affair. I didn’t see anything going on between them to make suspect them. She was respectful to him.then I observed that she was not looking right and complaining that she was ill. I asked her what the problem was, she said nothing. Then a few days later after she was not feeling well, I told her i should take her to the doctor but my husband offered to take her. I still didn’t take that to mean anything.
My husband took her to the doctor. When she came back , she told me that the doctor said nothing was wrong with her. Then a few days after when I was at work , she packed her bags and went back to her mother. She told her mother that the doctor said she is pregnant. It was my husband who got her pregnant and he wanted her to do an abortion, but she was afraid. Her mother said when she came to live with us she was a virgin, but my husband took her virginity.
My husband calls her a liar. He said that he never had sex with her. But I am worried , because my husband is respectable man and is well known. I don’t know what to believe. What should I do please?
STRONG WOMAN’S REPLY:
As painful as this will sound, I will ask the girl what she wants to do, clearly giving her the right over her own body. She is my relative not his and I will support her while watching my husband prayerfully without a quarrel.
If she does keep the pregnancy, I will request her to give us custody of the child and voila we have another child. This will help her return to school and not just be a babymama for life.
Whatever she decides, I will stand by it. Anything other than him and her continuing their affair.
Yes, I will also have the baby’s DNA tested when born if we have to accept the liability.
Life is not that hard, it’s betraying and hurtful but we should always take the right decisions putting emotions aside. And though it may take time,open up our hearts to forgiveness.
NB
I know the husband’s offense is enough grounds for divorce but seriously, if we kept divorcing every spouse who hurts us, how many will we divorce,(that’s if we even get enough proposals to keep remarrying, lol), then consider the children involved who will have divided homes and unstable childhoods, the future family feuds, court cases, bitterness, hatred etc……
Haha. I know I just broke a table, well luckily for me, I got carpentry skills! Wishing you a pleasant weekend. I am finally deciding to go for a seminar today that deals with issues such as incest, rape and sexual abuse on women. You know why this is a big thing for me? Well, I always wondered why victims(which I refuse to call myself one) just kept talking about them unending. I used to feel like, it happened already, move on! Well maybe this seminar will open my eyes to be more supportive!
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A Strong Nigerian Woman 
I believe the anonymous sender of that mail has gotten the reply.
You did not only brake the table you burnt it to ashes.
And i doubt if you can re_mould.
80% of our mature married women will go against this your candid advice.
But madam if you can be strong like she already said take up the mantle of a second strong nigerian woman.
That advice she gave will not only save your marriage it will give you the peace of a family,
it will make you a rare mother.
I know its not easy but you have to try.
Once you try you will be surprised how possibly it has been to overcome all.
Most at times we don’t need to take this life serious.
Nothing ever last, nothing even life itself.
And the one that pains me most
is that non of us including you is getting out of this life alive.
Live will always win over us,
why then will i be mean all time.
Life as a play ground, the moment you take play to be serious…
Then you have no other options
than to retired before others.
#OneRace.
#OneHuman.
#OneNation.
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Thank you!
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your response is actually the best in theory.a woman should not loose the relationship of husband and niece because of an incident, though trust can be hard to gain back. .I would be lenient on the niece though especially if she is less than 23 years. Such girls are still immature.
Should she take your advice? Would the newborn baby get to know who her real mum is? would the Hurt woman happily look after the niece child like her own ?
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