I need mature advice.
I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.
The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive, during this 2nd pregnancy. The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive! I’m not really angry because she is HIV positive,I’m angry because she has been playing me all along.
She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating. Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited. She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim. She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy became visible. We did our traditional wedding and went to the registry for legal documentation. Months after the wedding, my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on “village people” but the gentle man in me didn’t allow me to read any meaning to the movie. She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she was HIV positive.
She eventually got pregnant (for real this time), she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby’s weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself, I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me. The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine. I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug, I became worried but I still played it down.
Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for our 2nd son in a different hospital, she may have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I could do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test. We went and did the test, I don’t know the trick she played this time, but the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made a lot of noise, we went home and celebrated. Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test, took her sample and sent it to one of the best labs in Lagos, all the kits showed she was reactive. Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me aside and showed me the result. That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.
This woman has hid her status from me and had been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing. I and my boys have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at the teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I’m just lucky or we are “discordant couple“. I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still adamant.
I can’t discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatized. I feel betrayed, I don’t know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I’m concerned about my boys. I’m afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me, I don’t trust her.
What should I do?
Sounds like this man still very much loves his wife, when the one we love betrays us, it usually so hard to let go. But my brother, you have to forgive.
Sometimes we have to try and understand things from the perspective of these carriers. It’s hard being stigmatized for something that probably wasn’t their fault. (Doesn’t make it right either and is a offense).
Try to remember that is wasn’t because you were a better being that you didn’t get infected from other girls in your previous life, surely you weren’t a virgin till marriage?
So for your sanity, your kids future and all, forgive,take your drugs and live. About madam think of an appropriate punishment. Maybe a separation till she comes back sober. And you too please don’t go about having side chicks especially without a condom!
People are going through things, next time you see someone behaving irrationally, maybe in traffic, accord them some leniency. Some understanding while thanking the Creator that your own problems have not broken you down to that extent yet!
Following my @surrogatetwins journey on Instagram?